Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
