TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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