I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
