census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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