So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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