my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm really busy with my period
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