Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
