girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
