I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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