we made out on top of his cat.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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