its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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