i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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