So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
