we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
