3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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