loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
