I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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