Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
