what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
