I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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