Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
accomplished twins. life is a go
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
