That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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