Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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