Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
