so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
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Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
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The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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