Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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