You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
