When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
