Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
