And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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