hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
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Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
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I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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