How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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