When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Randomize
