Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
