Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
