I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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