thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
