Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
