if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
