We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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