When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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