i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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