i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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