Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
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