Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
