I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
