laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
