My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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