That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
