I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
