She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
