i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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