he shaved USA in his pubs
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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