it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
