Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
