You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
