I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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