found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
