Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Boobs speak an international language.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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