I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
