the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
