I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
