Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
