Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
