At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
