gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Randomize
