you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
