for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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