I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
