I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
