I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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