first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Are we still banned from the library?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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