Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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